Reflections

It’s hard when life catches up with a person.  The darkest corners of closet floors exposed; doors feeling closed and little pieces of the past thrown in a massive heap just staring you in the face. Somehow each piece forms a bit of the whole you have become and the whole exists in fragments, like the inside of an orange with thin layers to keep each fragment separate from the next. Leaking out it got out of control for me, gushing anger: a surface emotion to hide behind.  I am no longer able to see my reflection in the mirror that I try so hard to be truthful to; the truth lost somewhere and the reflection itself seeming so surreal.  Unrecognizable, I ask myself nicely to be patient and remember.  Through emotional dysregulation, denial and fear I search for the real me but the clouds are dark and the weather in my head rains down my cheeks.